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Thread: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

  1. #1
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    Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Namaste HDF,

    Sometimes I get frustrated with my brain and myself...for all the desire I proclaim to be a Hindu and leave behind corrupt Western ways, I still can't seem to completely leave behind one and embrace the other, if you know what I mean. I know I have written on this before, however I still get frustrated with my inability to live up to the standards of Hinduism.

    Still, though, I know I should not be too hard on myself...it takes time to change, and I need to be more patient with myself. But there are some that say I can't be a true Hindu without quitting my old Western ways cold turkey if you pardon the expression.

    I guess I need to know a balance between pushing myself and being kinder to myself. But how will I know what that balance is? How can I find the wisdom to change the things I can about myself?

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Dear friend ,
    There is no need to push your self harder .Ultimately all beings ,all religions , all idealogies are one and the same The expressions are different .Even in Hinduism , not even one percent is following the doctrines of Hinduism. What you do , what you believe is in far too advanced state .

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Hari Om!

    Please know that you are not unique in your struggles. And to add to the venue, just when some progress is made, new doors are opened and opportunities for change present themselves once again. Seems to be a never ending cycle but the truth of the matter is that it is progress, plain and simple. And you've made plenty and will continue to do so. Just the desire to do so alone is progress in itself.

    A difficulty can arise when we pressure ourselves to progress too quickly or lack the faith in ourselves or our Guru or Gods, fellow sadhaks, mentors and the like. Safety nets that keep us on the path are the scriptures, satsang, puja, japa and so much more. Reading and rereading about the struggles of others in addition to their success help keep one focused too. Seva can't be overlooked either.

    Bhai, you are on the path, the right path, the path of self enquiry. Keep at it as the answers are at hand.

    Om


    As an aside, I often had (have) to remind myself that it took 40+ years of learning to get this way, it may take another 40+ to unlearn it!

  4. #4

    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Namaste,

    Don't be so hard on yourself. Just be yourself, and work to the best of your abilities to make that self the best you can be. It will be a journey and a transformation, not an instantaneous event.

    Sure some people might say. "you can't be a Hindu unless you give up your western ways" but then say you do manage to somehow change everything suddenly, 'cold turkey' if you will. Even after that, there will still be some out there who may say, 'well you still can't be a Hindu, until ____." Don't let other people define who you are. Especially ones who know little about you and your journey.

    In order to truly change, it has to be internalized. It's a slow process. You can't take the person you have spent your whole life becoming, and just drop them, and then become something else. I think to force it suddenly seems like it would be little more than putting on a mask, faking it in a way. It's okay to be right where you are. Really.

    Good luck on your journey.
    Om Namah Shivaya

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Quote Originally Posted by Webimpulse View Post
    Namaste HDF,

    Sometimes I get frustrated with my brain and myself...for all the desire I proclaim to be a Hindu and leave behind corrupt Western ways, I still can't seem to completely leave behind one and embrace the other, if you know what I mean. I know I have written on this before, however I still get frustrated with my inability to live up to the standards of Hinduism.

    Still, though, I know I should not be too hard on myself...it takes time to change, and I need to be more patient with myself. But there are some that say I can't be a true Hindu without quitting my old Western ways cold turkey if you pardon the expression.

    I guess I need to know a balance between pushing myself and being kinder to myself. But how will I know what that balance is? How can I find the wisdom to change the things I can about myself?
    Vannakkam,

    There is no hurry. You have lifetimes ahead of you. I've been at it 40 years and some days feel I haven't yet made the transition you speak of.

    So one step at a time. I think a good way is to try to honestly determine if you're moving ahead at all.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Namaste,

    As your fellow adoptees have testified, do the best you can and don't try to live up to other people's expectations.

    Pranam.

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    *hugs*



    Took a while for me to accept this location, I never really aligned with the folks around me...and my heart longs to go to Rishikesh...and Mount Kailasa...sometimes it physically hurts when I see images.

    So, I have learned to look at my streams and hills here and say to myself..."this is Rishikesh" and often, I say it so convincingly...that my heart accepts it.

    I may never be able to go home to India...was just looking at costs of flights a week ago when the pain became unbearable, even with 24 hours of flight time...and days of layovers...still...so expensive for a mother...and so I try to accept my location as part of a predestined plan. Sometimes, just so hard.

    There's a magical Truth to the fact that we are what we say, do and think.

    Suddenly, the day will arrive when all of these things combine and you just feel it to your core.

    We were born here for a reason, it has certain advantages and disadvantages.

    What some were born into effortlessly, you have to work extra hard for...it's part of our Sadhana. I know Beloved Mahadeva blessed us so much to not only know this Truth, but also to know that we could have walked through this world and never been given this gift (due to our location). It's kinda like the movie Close Encounters when the sweet French guy gets mad at the soldiers for removing the people who were driven...obsessed to come to the mountain to meet the visitors. He says..."They were invited!!"

    You, you were invited. What a precious gift.

    Always try to find a way to make lemonade from the lemons of this lifetime.

    Take it easy on yourself! <3

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Namaste WebImpulse,
    Quote Originally Posted by Webimpulse View Post
    I guess I need to know a balance between pushing myself and being kinder to myself. But how will I know what that balance is? How can I find the wisdom to change the things I can about myself?
    Such beautiful truths spoken already. This is something I also struggle with, it seems common to most. I recently read a statement from the Satguru of a sampradaya I am studying that when one finally finds themselves seeking, there is a very strong urge to renounce everything, and achieve perfection overnight - it may be more pronounced in us westerners because we think we have so much to learn and re-train in order to attempt to "catch up". But really, this is the path of every Jiva throughout its many births. He goes on to state that this urge should be dismissed, we came here to experience and we must and should continue to do so.

    All I can recommend is to reflect on what it is you are trying to achieve that requires so much change. Then talk with God about it. You may find that what you think is pushing towards the goal in the sense of "working" is actually more in line with "struggle" or "punishment", blocking the grace that would lead you to wisdom.

    As has been said, relax and accept and love yourself as you are, as God loves and accepts you; when we do we grow with time. This cannot be rushed, nor should you try - doing so is struggle. Work with the ebb and flow of your energies. My best days have been when I am able to let go and stop trying or reaching, just submit, and offer all that I am, including material difficulties, to God's feet. Every human form is perfect in its own way and capable of realizing God, we block and trick ourselves. Sri Ganesha can help with this too.

    Yajvan ji said something I found incredibly true and helpful to me regarding this struggle very recently as well, here.

    ~Pranam
    Last edited by Aanandinii; 13 May 2014 at 07:53 PM.
    ~~~~~
    What has Learning profited a man, if it has not led him to worship the good feet of Him who is pure knowledge itself?
    They alone dispel the mind's distress, who take refuge at the feet of the incomparable one.
    ~~Tirukural 2, 7

    Anbe Sivamayam, Satyame Parasivam

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    spirituality has nothing to do with material life. The scriptures say a spiritualist is like a lotus which lies in muddy water yet remains unaffected. The whole purpose of gita is to imply the fact that it is the intention not the action per se that binds a man,
    so love your god and leave the rest to him. your way of life is not a matter of contention to Him, He who is the most merciful and the most loving and He who is the father of the same "westerners"

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    Re: Just How Hard on Myself Should I Be?

    Namaste friend,

    A binding precedent is apparent through the language we use. We often state things such as ''study HARD!'', ''work HARD!'', everything must be HARD. Done with force. Why not study in JOY. Why not work in LOVE.

    What standards do you speak of? There is no race that I know of upon which we must exert such pressure among ourselves that does not reap reward. I know it is easier said than done, for the person in the position of agitation is only the one who can understand his own plight; but without a shadow of doubt there is no need to be so hard on yourself.

    There is a fine line between self-mastery or personal evolution and crushing yourself with expectation and judgement. Don't expect my friend, just do, do what you can. I'm aware you wish to be a good ''Hindu'' but how are you judging yourself my friend? How are you judging being a ''Good Hindu''. It seems you are a little deep in the waters, simplify and start from basics. Look at your spiritual journey as building blocks, you've already made it so far, so continue slowly, but with consistency on your journey!

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