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Thread: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relative

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    Question What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relative

    Namaskar

    My brother in law died about 10 months ago. I have received conflicting advice over whether I can observe Shivaratri this year.

    Does anyone have knowledge of this subject? I know that marriages and most celebrations are tabu during the first year after a close relative's death.

    Thanks in advance for your advice.

    Pranam,

    Devi

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Devisarada: These customs vary slightly from sampradaya to sampradaya.

    For me, a minimum of 31 days would be observed for close relatives or friends.

    For a spouse, of maybe a child when you're really grieving, maybe a year. But even that would be up to you. The 31 day thing is compulsory, but not for distant relatives or distant friends. Some sects practisse only 21 days as well. So if it was me, unless I was patriculary close to this brother in law, it would be okay. So was it your sister's husband, or your husband's briother. That might also make a difference.

    I would certainly seek out more than one opinion. A priest, maybe.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Thank-you, Eastern for your reply. He was my husband's older brother. These days, I find that if you ask 2 pundits, you get 3 different opinions. In our tradition, (West Indian, Guyanese) we are to refrain from celebrations until the 1 year puja.

    I personally do not consider shivaratri a celebration (although it does comemmorate the marriage of Lord Shiva to Parvati) as much as a solemn occassion to worship Lord Shiva.

    I sometimes find these rules confusing.

    Pranam,

    Devi

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Quote Originally Posted by devisarada View Post
    Thank-you, Eastern for your reply. He was my husband's older brother. These days, I find that if you ask 2 pundits, you get 3 different opinions. In our tradition, (West Indian, Guyanese) we are to refrain from celebrations until the 1 year puja.

    I personally do not consider shivaratri a celebration (although it does comemmorate the marriage of Lord Shiva to Parvati) as much as a solemn occassion to worship Lord Shiva.

    I sometimes find these rules confusing.
    Devisarada: What you say is so true about getting different answers. Even Devotee (whom I respect dearly BTW) and I gave you two different answers. So yes it is tough decision. For me personally, I would consider an austere event like Sivaratri even more important to miss, because the reasons for these things, in my opinion, are mystical, and Sivaratri is a mystical event. (for me) ....

    As for differences, Devotee would not be surprised when I say I don`t celebrate Holi at all, because it is regional. So when he talks about Holi, that correctly applies to his area of expertise in Hinduism. For me there is only one new year, and that is Tamil New Year April.

    Here is my perhaps better recommendation. The main pundit at the Toronto Vishnu Mandir, a Dr. Doobay, originally from Guyana, has worked tirelessly for years to build that temple and keep the religion alive for Guyanese in Canada there. I have met him on 3 separate occasions, and he also hosts a Hinduism weekly TV show. In short, I would trust his opinion for the Hinduism variety from Guyana. You can probably contact him or a representative from that temple for your question. Best wishes. In the end, of course, it is up to you and you alone.

    One of the most difficult affectionate detachment` ideas we can go through is temple festivals. What I mean is to not be troubles or upset when you miss them. I`ve often thought of doing a 21 day festival, but purposely missing the last day.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Devisarada: Ooops. I looked at your profile. You're already in Toronto, and I'm sure you are already aware of said person. Sorry.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Namaste EM,

    I expected this response from you after writing that post.

    Holi is not celebrated only in 3-4 states in Southern part of India. Rest of India celebrates Holi in a big way.

    Yes, this year-to-year calculation may vary in some places.

    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Namaste Devi Sarda,

    Quote Originally Posted by devisarada View Post
    My brother in law died about 10 months ago. I have received conflicting advice over whether I can observe Shivaratri this year.

    Does anyone have knowledge of this subject? I know that marriages and most celebrations are tabu during the first year after a close relative's death.
    I don't belong to any sampradaya. The Hindus in India are not so much divided on Sampradaya basis. Normally born Hindus don't celebrate any festival upto one year from the death of any close relative. This year is counted from Holi to Holi, as Holi is considered the first day of the Year for Hindus. If Holi comes before one year even short of a month or two, people play Holi & thereafter celebrate all festivals.

    Your husband's brother is definitely your close relative as per Hindu family system.

    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

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    Re: What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relativ

    Namaste,

    I think the question should be left for the experts like devotee and EM, but I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. Surely your husband's brother when he passed on into the astral world realize how great it was to be free of a body. I wish him and you all the best.

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