What Must Be Avoided During Mourning Period FollowingThe Death Of A Close Relative

[sambya]

in the eastern part of india people normally dont undertake any religious offerings or visit any temple within one year from the death of the relative . this list includes only the close relatives in the line of father , like paternal uncle or grandfather etc . and the period of one year is not counted from holi but from the actuall 'tithi' (almanac date) of the death to the same tithi the next year .

however daily activities like japam and meditation are not to be discontinued at any event .

therefore it is safe to say that you can safely participate in shivaratri in your home . but do not organise a elaborate ritualistic puja with proper brahminical customs .
in bengal , durga puja is celebrated with great pomp . in many families lavish ceremonies have been continuing uninterrupted for more than 500 years ! in such a family if a death takes place the relatives usually follow this rule --- the sankalpa or the 'promise' of the puja is uttered in behalf of someone who doesnt belong to this family , and the ritualistic arrangements are done by other unaffected members or friends . while the original affected members of the household refrain from coming in close contact with the ritual objects . this way the unbroken flow of the celebrations can be maintained and shastras are also respected .

however no such formalities should not be required for personal offering and small prayers ..

[devisarada]

Thank-you all for your wonderful advice and your good wishes for my family and my beloved brother-in-law's atma. EM, thank-you for reminding me of Dr. Doobay.
He is very knowledgeable, and I will get in touch with him. I have also met him on several occassions.

I have spoken to one Guyanese pundit whose explanation makes sense to me. There should be no frivolous merriment, no parties and no pujas to celebrate birthdays. However, it is always good to observe spiritual and austere occassions such as Maha Shivaratri even during times of mourning.

[ScottMalaysia]

Normally born Hindus don't celebrate any festival upto one year from the death of any close relative.

My wife's family does this. They haven't celebrated Diwali properly for the past two years since two relatives passed away.

As to what must be avoided: For the first sixteen days after the death of a relative, the immediate family are considered asaucham or ritually impure. You are not supposed to visit a temple or go to any parties or social events (the funeral pujari mentioned this to my wife and sisters-in-law). If you're not a vegetarian, then you are supposed to eat only vegetarian food for the first sixteen days.

[Mohini Shakti Devi]

I'd like to make an unexpected statement:

This subject (Tarpana) is the culmination of all the purposes of Vedic culture & learning and even yogic tapasya

Aside from the ultimate term, Putra/Putri performing the samskara rites for the departed --there is no other 'final' duty.

There is no other 'final' duty. Correct? But it is done only by those long trained in this knowledge.

I pray some one will delineate difinitively the observance of tarpana.

they could start with wath manu said.

Jai Bharatadesha Putram.

[devisarada]

Pranam,

And thank-you all for your thoughtful replies. It does seem that there is some variance of perspective depending on what tradition one adheres to.

I have decided that it is alright for me to attend the Maha Shivaratri observances at the mandir, but not participate in the "Abishek".

thanks again everyone!