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Thread: Hugging

  1. #1
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    Hugging

    Vannakkam: One of the things that newcomers may not realize about Hindu culture ids that there is less hugging, especially inter-gender hugging between friends. In some cultures, like Eastern European, or Italian, its a common sight. Hindus are far more likely to take a hands-off approach with only close relatives, and very close friends doing mush of it.

    The mystical reason is respect for prana, and auras. It is a cultural faux pas, even insulting, to hug someone, and in particular priests or holy men.

    I've never been a hugger, so was more than happy to find Hinduism. Ever since some obstreperous distant relative scarred a shy boy at the age of 5, I've been turned off by the practice.

    Yet in India, young male friends will hold hands while walking down the street. Its cultural, and tourists sometime think India is an overly gay country.

    There are some exceptions, more likely at a funeral, but only same gender, unless you're incredibly close. The 'proper' close greeting or handshake between men is to use both hands and just lightly draw the other persons hands towards you in a gesture of friendship.

    But I'm not that sure it there is much variance regionally.

    To play it safe, I would advise all newcomers to never ever initiate a hug.

    Thoughts, anyone?

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Hugging

    Namaste EM,

    I completely agree with your assessment on hugging; it has been the explanation given by my father when I asked why he didn't hug my mother in front of us (my sisters or me). My parents were never "touchy-feely" types anyway and I've never seen Indians, Hindus in particular, hug each other even if they are related.

    That is another reason for "namaste" instead of handshakes; don't have to /want to touch others if it can be avoided. Hugging is much more intimate and is really "personal space". Heck, we have our own plates, cups, spoons, forks, and utensils for each of us in the family - we don't even use those interchangeably! LOL.. .That, of course, might be a bit much for some "modern folk".

    I really can't wait to get married to a beautiful Hindu woman and... hug her.

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    Re: Hugging

    Namaste EM,

    You can always hug your friends of same gender and your close relatives. However, if the relative is senior to you, it is the senior relative who is expected to make the move. Husband and wife normally don't hug each other in public.

    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

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    Re: Hugging

    Hinduism teaches to avoid eye contacts with other"s except respected respected senior relatives,touching is absolutely no,that too with hands. These are means of conduction of vritis/thought impulses from one to another.Saint will acquire negatives impulses and sinner will get positive energy. Its also strictly no to touch any bodies feet apart from one"s Guru or Saints of very high order.
    Man-naathah Shri Jagan-nathah Mat-guru-shri jagad-guruhu.
    Mad-atma sarva-bhutatma tasmai Shri Gurave Namah.


    My Lord is the Lord of Universe; My teacher is the teacher of the
    entire universe; and my Self is the Self of all. My salutations at the lotus-feet
    of such a Guru, who has revealed such knowledge to me.

  5. #5

    Re: Hugging

    Quote Originally Posted by anirvan View Post
    Hinduism teaches to avoid eye contacts with other"s except respected respected senior relatives,touching is absolutely no,that too with hands. These are means of conduction of vritis/thought impulses from one to another.Saint will acquire negatives impulses and sinner will get positive energy. Its also strictly no to touch any bodies feet apart from one"s Guru or Saints of very high order.
    Why should one avoid eye contract? Could you tell me more about this?

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    Re: Hugging

    Vannakkam: Thanks to everyone who added additional insight. Its just one of the things that I see westerners doing that makes me cringe. Its not that they do it on purpose to tick us off, its just that they don;t get the culture.

    Shanti, I think its the exchange of energy, all around. Eye contact is soul to soul, as eyes are the windows of the soul. So once any sustained eye contact is made, a psychic connection is established, whether you know it or not. Once there is a connection, then there are subtle influences going in both directions. To keep our thoughts clear, our subconscious minds clear, we don't need other influences, as our own minds are sufficient enough.

    Have you ever had what seemed like totally irrelevant thoughts run by you, or through you, and you wondered why you're such a scatterbrain. Since thoughts have forms, and are put in the ethers, sometimes those so called random thoughts actually belong to other people, especially if that other person's thought are particularly strong. Its like at funerals, and the power of suggestion gets you all sad even though you may not have even known the person well. But its just more subtle than that, and far more likely to hit really sensitive people.

    For the eye contact, many Hindus, when the situation seems to demand it, like at a western meeting with the boss, will just stare at the other person's forehead instead.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Hugging

    Namaste everyone,

    An interesting topic. I was aware before I ever went to temple that hugging someone of the opposite gender was not okay. This didn't bother me as I don't make a habit of hugging strange men. Call me a prude

    But the zero hugging notion made me a smidge sad. I'm just used to using it as a show of affection.

    On the flip side, the Tamil woman who invited me to her home recently fully embraced me in what I would call just short of a "bear hug" on only my second meeting with her...and we were at the Temple. I was surprised, not because she was hugging me at temple, but because she was hugging me without knowing me that well. But it was nice too, so I hugged her back.

    Another older woman at the temple (in her late 40s maybe?) will reach out her right arm as I approach and put it around me. It's not technically a hug I guess, but I return the gesture when she initiates.

    My instinct with the men at the temple was to extend my hand in a handshake, but I sometimes hesitate because I'm not sure if even that is acceptable. Now, I usually just knod and smile. If they extend there hand first I will shake it then.

    I was unaware of the avoidance of eye contact. I have made direct eye contact with many people at the temple, including the priest. Perhaps people are accommodating me because many of them have lived in the west for so long. As a shy person, when I am working around the temple I usually keep my eyes on the floor if I am walking around a lot of people - well, I keep them high enough to see where I'm going But when I lift my head, eye contact is kind of inevitable.

    On a sort of related note: During one of the abhishekhams I was volunteering all over and so I had to walk behind the shrine and back to the kitchen. (The Temple has a temporary set up due to being under construction) The moment arrived for the deity to have their clothes changed, and a screen was pulled in front of the devotees for the sake of modesty. But of course I'm behind the shrine rushing around (quietly of course) and I realize I can see the deity being undressed. At this point I was new and didn't really know the exact rules, but I instinctively lowered my gaze and went and "hid" in the kitchen until they were done I felt a little embarrassed.

    Interesting topic. I like hearing everyone's POVs/experiences.

    Peace!
    "God will not have his work made manifest by cowards."
    ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


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    Re: Hugging

    Quote Originally Posted by Jodhaa View Post


    But the zero hugging notion made me a smidge sad. I'm just used to using it as a show of affection.

    Vannakkam: Any sadness about that should easily be overcome by the hospitality factor that is so incredibly prevalent in Hindu culture. You will never meet more hospitable people.

    Recently, I went to a smaller town here to discuss plans about a temple building project, and the president, total strangers to us, invited us to stay overnight in his home.

    Leaving Mauritius in 1987, I had 5 full meals on the last day, and too many gifts to carry home. Guest is God, and that too can be so overwhelming at times its hard to get used to.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Hugging

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    Vannakkam: Any sadness about that should easily be overcome by the hospitality factor that is so incredibly prevalent in Hindu culture. You will never meet more hospitable people.

    Recently, I went to a smaller town here to discuss plans about a temple building project, and the president, total strangers to us, invited us to stay overnight in his home.

    Leaving Mauritius in 1987, I had 5 full meals on the last day, and too many gifts to carry home. Guest is God, and that too can be so overwhelming at times its hard to get used to.

    Aum Namasivaya
    Yes, I have had a taste of the Indian hospitality and you are right. There is certainly no lack of affection in Hindu/Indian culture
    "God will not have his work made manifest by cowards."
    ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


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    Re: Hugging

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    Vannakkam: One of the things that newcomers may not realize about Hindu culture ids that there is less hugging, especially inter-gender hugging between friends. In some cultures, like Eastern European, or Italian, its a common sight. Hindus are far more likely to take a hands-off approach with only close relatives, and very close friends doing mush of it.

    The mystical reason is respect for prana, and auras. It is a cultural faux pas, even insulting, to hug someone, and in particular priests or holy men.

    I've never been a hugger, so was more than happy to find Hinduism. Ever since some obstreperous distant relative scarred a shy boy at the age of 5, I've been turned off by the practice.

    Yet in India, young male friends will hold hands while walking down the street. Its cultural, and tourists sometime think India is an overly gay country.

    There are some exceptions, more likely at a funeral, but only same gender, unless you're incredibly close. The 'proper' close greeting or handshake between men is to use both hands and just lightly draw the other persons hands towards you in a gesture of friendship.

    But I'm not that sure it there is much variance regionally.

    To play it safe, I would advise all newcomers to never ever initiate a hug.

    Thoughts, anyone?

    Aum Namasivaya
    While inter-gender physical closeness is not accepted in modern Indian culture [shaped by Islamic and Christian morals], hugging and general physical closeness amongst friends is far more common among Hindus than what is prevalent or would be commonly accepted in the west.

    I once read a story in a national daily, where a American lady visiting India for the 1st time was shocked to find so many people in India are Gay. Reason for such conclusion was that she saw men often holding hands in leisure. Those who actually have lived in India would not blink an eyelid at such a thing ~ forget about drawing such conclusions on sexuality.

    Having born and raised in India and having been to west so many times, I can vouch that west is much more awkward and reserved w.r.t physical closeness. In west physical closeness is automatically associated with sexuality, which is not the case in India - not with same gender friends.

    Regarding "mystical" "auras" and rules surrounding people in orche robes or those still following rules of manu smiriti, I cannot say much. But generally speaking the above is a completely wrong view about Indian/ Hindu society.
    Why are you unhappy? Because 99.9 per cent Of everything you think, And of everything you do, Is for yourself —And there isn't one

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