Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    February 2012
    Location
    India
    Age
    50
    Posts
    69
    Rep Power
    246

    How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    I have a close relative, who is deeply pained by her childhood events. She is currently 70 yrs but yet unable to forget the discriminative treatment meted out to her as compared to her siblings. The discriminator was no other than her mother and the basis of discrimination was her skin color and her looks. The caustic remarks made by her mother 50-60 yrs back still echo is her ears.
    We have used every occasion to impress on her that she should forget and should let go. However these are deep rooted impressions and she is unable to forget.

    I want to help her but am at my wits end on what to do. Psychiatrist has been consulted, however his medicines yield a temporary reprieve and we don't see any long term/permanent way out.

    Can you suggest some therapy?

  2. #2

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    Namaste SinDL,

    Wow, that's a tall order; how very sad a story it is. Letting go of our family ties when they are not healthy, is one of the hardest things imaginable.

    The hardest part is, in fact; realising that the maternal bond was adharmic and that it is not your fault, but that your emotional network, is in all effects, still very much connected to that person, even when they are no longer there.

    This is why a system of sound dharma is so important, but as for where to start in this particular case. This would really depend upon what she believes; other wise said, where she is emotionally and spiritually at this point in time.

    What does she believe?

    Good luck, and if I might add, how nice of you to try to bring some light in to this Lady's life.

    praNAma

    mana
    Last edited by Mana; 15 April 2012 at 11:05 AM.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    September 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    70
    Posts
    7,191
    Rep Power
    5038

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    Vannakkam: I can suggest a couple of things. Whether or not you can convince her t do them may be another story ... Same as to whether or not she is capable of doing them

    The first is to write down these negative memories on a sheet of paper, and butn them, emotionally releasing as the paper burns. The second is to find a calm but flowing river, put the hatreds, and thoughts mentally on a leaf, and then toss it into the river, watching it flow away. Then follow the leaf with a flower of thanks.

    Might take awhile...

    Aum Namasivaya

  4. #4
    Join Date
    June 2011
    Location
    NJ, USA
    Age
    66
    Posts
    1,674
    Rep Power
    1694

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    Namaste.

    This is easier said than done, I admit: I was taught to keep in mind that people use the tools they have.

    My parents were very into themselves most of the time. When they weren't into themselves, the were just plain unsupportive and even negative, and downright cruel and nasty. Never physically abusive, but verbally and emotionally abusive.

    There are two things my father said, once to my mother ("you should have gotten an abortion") that she related to me. Why she had to tell me that is beyond me. Another time my father muttered within earshot of me "he's like a little faggot". These things happened 40 years ago. I remember them but now they are just a memory from ignorant people.

    I reveal this because I had to learn (again, easier said than done) that was all my parents had to work with. They were ignorant; there was and is nothing wrong with me. It's hard to do but we have to learn to put these things "where they belong" (my "teacher's" exact words).

    EM's ideas of writing these things down, letting her pour her heart out on paper and then burning them or releasing them to a river or the ocean are very good (as usual ). Psychiatrists are MDs who usually are not trained in "talk therapy". In the US they just do medication monitoring. Perhaps a talk therapist (psychologist, clinical social worker, etc.) is a better option than a psychatrist.

    I truly feel her pain, and I sincerely wish I could take it on to dispose of it.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

  5. #5

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    Hi.

    One of the best tools I've found for difficult situations is mindfulness meditation. It doesn't make the memory go away, but for someone who has held onto a pain for so long, it's very unlikely that they're going to forget. Mindfulness does teach a person to hold a memory up, look at it deeply, and see it for what it is. For some people, it's only when they aren't afraid of or hurt by a memory that it has no power over them.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    April 2006
    Location
    New York
    Age
    41
    Posts
    42
    Rep Power
    39

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    There are mental and physical scars. We should learn to live with them. Sometimes the mental hurt more. She should not waste her life living through the eyes of her mom. You can't have everyone like you. Maybe if she thought of how people are always dealing with harsh things. Slaves in America were basically chattel, property. How much the worse! No families. They could be killed, beat, seperated at the whim of their masters and not educated. Yet even then there were slaves who came from that system and became homeowners and the like. Don't dig yourself a grave. Understand that this is what my mom thought, so what. Her thoughts are hers to have, and I should not sit about being guilty at her thoughts. There's a book called Born to Win that uses transactional analysis. It's sort of like a self-help book. I had to get it for college. Try reading that and using it.
    The Vedas declared that the son rescueth the father from a hell called Put. ~ Celestials [Sec. 231 of Adi Parva - Mahabharata]

  7. #7

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    I can understand the pain of having a mother who treats you poorly.

    I grew up with a narcissistic mother. I was the scapegoat child, while my brother was the golden child. I don't have any fond memories of my mother, only negative. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD at 18 as a result from my childhood.

    At the age of 21 I have been on a multitude of different psychiatric drugs. They either had horrible side effects, or they made me into a complete zombie. My experience with psychiatrists has not been positive. They never really wanted to talk about my issues, they just wanted to mask them with medication. I personally never found the medication to be beneficial. I found that it only made me feel worse.

    I agree with Touchedbythelord. A psychotherapist is an excellent option. You will be able to talk about your problems in a safe environment, get feedback, and learn healthy coping skills. I have benefited tremendously from it.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    December 2007
    Age
    63
    Posts
    3,218
    Rep Power
    4728

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    Namaste SIDL,

    She alone is the cause and the best therapy for her conditions. She has herself created a hell for herself and unless she strongly decides to come out of it, even God cannot help her. Her mother hurt her for a few years but she is hurting herself again and again by reliving those hurtful experiences. Who is the bigger culprit, she herself or her mother ?

    This phenomenon is called "carrying the wound" as named by Acharya Rajneesh. Some people are so enamored by their pains that they just don't want to drop it. It is part of the essence of their personality, so they think. If they drop it, there would be a vacuum in their life as they don't known at all along how to live without it.

    Carrying such painful experiences for some time is quite understandable but not to the ripe age of 70 ! That is nothing but a pathetic obsession. This works in this manner :

    She carries the pain projecting that there are not many who have suffered as she did. She curses her fate, laments the injustice caused to her ... etc. The people who have time to listen to her woes show sympathy to her ... a natural reaction of any fellow human being. ... and that is what she wants. This show of sympathy by people on hearing her story gives her more fuel to keep the wound carrying on. This cycle must be broken. Someone must tell her after earning her confidence that it is not the bad incident but her own attitude which is the cause of her all sufferings. Moreover, if she doesn't drop and leave it now, it would certainly be carried over to her next life and can manifest into a hateful behaviour towards people who match her idea of being the aggressor. May be she takes up the role of the aggressor to avenge the wrongdoing done to her in the next life. This is certainly not good for her in this life and in her next lives.

    She must forgive anyone and everyone whomsoever she considers guilty of hurting her. By doing this, she will not be doing any favour to anyone but to herself alone. The person who committed wrong against her, will be punished for his/her own Karma as per universal laws of Karma. However, her carrying this hurt feeling and carrying hateful feelings towards her mother would hurt only herself. This sweet taste of getting everyone's sympathy which she is addicted to is finally going to prove too costly for her.

    I may sound heartless by my this post ... but any word of sympathy is poison for her and I certainly won't like to injure her by my words of sympathy. If you want, you can show this post to her which could wake her up from her nightmare that she is hooked to watching.

    OM
    Last edited by devotee; 19 April 2012 at 04:12 AM. Reason: Serious typos !
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

  9. #9
    Join Date
    September 2007
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    70
    Posts
    7,191
    Rep Power
    5038

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    Vannakkam: Another method that works is Ganesha! He is far better than any western psychologist. In this aspect, and reason for prayer, think of Him as an eraser. Imagine you have a sheet of paper with the troubles written down on it, and right in front of him you place it, like an offerieng, and he used his tusk pen to erase the problems for you. Yet another method is colour meditation. That one works by reducing or balancing the heavy colours in your aura. I'm on the side of non-acceptance that scars have to be carried for this lifetime. Aum Namasivaya

  10. #10

    Re: How to forget some painful deep rooted memories?

    I'm no expert but I know that there are support groups that get together for almost everything.

    Maybe try to find one in her area?

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. What I Find to be 'Maya'
    By yajvan in forum Philosophy
    Replies: 154
    Last Post: 09 January 2009, 12:59 AM
  2. The Import of Turiya ...
    By yajvan in forum Meditation
    Replies: 240
    Last Post: 30 January 2008, 01:53 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •