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Thread: Falling Apart...Again...

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Falling Apart...Again...

    Namaste HDF.

    So much for new medication giving me any semblance of lasting peace...only a couple weeks on it, and I'm falling apart again. And over the same problems - US/India relations, how awful my fellow countrymen can be, and how it taints me by proxy.

    I don't know what to do at this point. Yes, this may be the result of karma, but what could I have possibly done to deserve this torture?

    Why would God(s) give me the identities I was born with if I couldn't handle being them? Why did God(s) make me the way I am?

    What possible use am I to the world in my current state?

  2. #2

    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    Namaste Webimpulse,

    So sorry to hear that you are struggling again, it will pass and you can overcome this spiral. You don not need to be of use to this world; it is more than enough to simply be a loving member of its populous; nothing more nothing less.
    That is plenty.
    A country is only lines on a map; so why implicate yourself with the percieved effects of so small a thing? They only exist in our minds.

    My personal recommendation to you would be to try to find a doctor who does not "believe" in medication and try to stop them slowly.

    I do genuinely feel your pain.

    Kind regards.

  3. #3
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    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    *hugs*

    Being born here was our destiny and a secret blessing. Some of us have karmas that could only take place from this location.

    I am a mother of eight children, and dear beloved, understand...I am little use to this world! This world will turn and turn...on and on..without any help from ourselves...and good that it would...because humans can be so unreliable. :P

    It is hard to remember sometimes that this is a very realistic play going on around us...especially when the world seems to pull at us from every side.

    But, always remember....

    In happiness, and sorrow...in pain and ecstasy....in anger and love...

    We can never truly be harmed we are always fine.

    Just as one who has watched the most horrible movie imaginable! He gets up and walks out of that theater unharmed...and whole.

    You are always whole and unharmed <3

    Hari om

  4. #4

    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    Namaste Webimpulse, I feel your pain. And I must say there are things going on between India and the US which are a lot more dangerous than Khobragade's case.

    You simply cannot allow yourself to continue down a path where your self is burned between these two identities (White Male and Sanatana Dharma). If you find out what American sponsored organizations are actually doing in India, being as hurt and in pain as you are now you will probably die of depression and anxiety.

    To stop the pain you must do certain things like :-

    A bottom line needs to be maintained, by which I mean your own perspective to view:-

    Right and Wrong.

    The core identity of a White person and what actions and attachments are practical with reasonable rationale behind it.

    The core identity of a person of Hindu Dharma and what actions and attachments are practical with reasonable rationale behind it.

    Then view where and how you stand between these identities. Assess that position.

    When and more importantly "if" you reach this position, you would have found clarity. Thus you must choose to act along the lines that you have found to be the right course of action.

    I say what I say from having lived through the pain that you have. I am not white on the outside. But I am a post-colonial Indian and used to be a Neo-Hindu. That makes me a brown coloured, white man, since all my education has been to bring me up to be a whiteboy.

    Regardless I do feel I understand what pain it is you suffer. And I also feel the need to remedy it as I have remedied a great extent of the pain I suffer from great tapas.

    The reason why you suffer what you are going through right now is: Inaction, you care about a certain society or civilization and feel helpless to be able to do anything about it. It is the suffering of Inaction.

    Wisdom is a burden to the ignorant.

  5. #5

    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    Namaste Webimpulse,

    Great advice given above. Obviously, I am not a psychiatrist, but the only thing I advise you to do is chant and meditate upon the names of the Gods. You probably already do this as part of your sadhana, but I urge you to really focus more and deepen this practice. Whatever God(s) you feel closest to, just chant their names, meditate upon them and focus on the sound vibrations of their names.

    I am not talking about mantras here, just the names of the deities themselves. They truly are the most powerful forces the universe has to offer us, both for our personal fulfillment and the upliftment of the world as a whole.

    The Gods and Goddesses are there. We just need to call them, meditate upon them, and focus on them and they will shower their grace and blessings upon you and guide you to happiness in this world.

    Of course different things work for everybody, and that is the beauty of the diversity of Sanatana Dharma. But I can only offer you what has worked for me personally. I have also gone through tough times over the last few years (not psychologically/health-wise, but just in life in general) and chanting the divine names has drawn me closer to the Gods and they have guided me to true happiness. Feel free to PM me if you want.

    But just chant the names of the Gods - either out loud, quietly, or silently meditating. It all works, and that is why nama-japa is a core practice of Sanatana Dharma and especially prescribed for this Kali Yuga. These are very dark times, and sometimes the names of the deities are all we have. But they are always there.

    Best wishes.

    Jai Sri Ram
    Sanatana Dharma ki Jai!
    Jai Hanuman

  6. #6

    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    Namaste,

    Wonderful advice Ramakrishna, the vibration from these names can literally put tingles in the spine ...

    The rest; pay it no mind until you have raised your spirits, it can wait for you.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4XFqDe9Kk0

    Kind regards.

  7. #7
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    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    And over the same problems - US/India relations, how awful my fellow countrymen can be, and how it taints me by proxy.
    It doesn't 'taint you by proxy' in any way. Collective guilt (along with the notion of collective pride, being proud of something you had nothing to do with like your nationality) is a false notion only espoused by the small minded.

    Further, none of us are really American or Indian, it is just a temporary condition. You should feel neither guilt nor pride in it. You are a spirit soul and that is the only part of your identity that is true, lasting and eternal. There will come a time when neither America or India, Americans and Indians, exist and will never exist again, but all of us souls will still exist.

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    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    I hope it is not inappropriate, but have you ever tried cognitive behavioral therapy? I've seen it can be extremely effective, and a lot of people can get off medications when having it... and since they sound like they are doing you no good now it could be something good to try.

  9. #9
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    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    Quote Originally Posted by Webimpulse View Post
    Namaste HDF.
    So much for new medication giving me any semblance of lasting peace...only a couple weeks on it, and I'm falling apart again. And over the same problems - US/India relations, how awful my fellow countrymen can be, and how it taints me by proxy.

    I don't know what to do at this point. Yes, this may be the result of karma, but what could I have possibly done to deserve this torture?

    Why would God(s) give me the identities I was born with if I couldn't handle being them? Why did God(s) make me the way I am?

    What possible use am I to the world in my current state?
    Namaskar Webimpulseji,

    You and I are very much alike. I used to struggle with clinical depression and meds, too. I am also a gamer and a fairly shy, solitary and socially awkward person in real life. For me, I found that when I was feeling weighted and dragged down by everything the first thing to remember was: I am not alone.

    I am so often embarrassed by my country and the behavior of some of my countrymen it has, once or twice in the distant past, driven me to actually look at emigration options. Then I traveled and lived in other countries for a time. Now I am still often embarrassed by all the same, but I realize that there aren’t really that many people that don’t feel exactly the same about their own countries. What we see that we like about other ways of doing things and living are largely idealistic. When you look deeper, everything has two sides, there are pros and cons to every culture. The actions of a person, or group of people, in a Country or Culture doesn’t make it all bad or good, nor does it make all the people in it bad or good. Most people around the world understand this. Though there will always be those who cannot see that, they are not the majority in my experience. That said, I have on occasion gone as far as to conceal my nationality while traveling. Not often, and never out of fear, but a few times.

    “Why this birth?” is a tough question because it’s a very personal one. By that I mean each person’s karma and reasons are unique. Only you can answer that, and there are likely a lot of reasons, many of which you will only uncover with time as you grow. What I have done when meditating on this is to question why one with my sensibilities might want to be here. What might I, with the perceptions unique to this body in this upbringing, have to gain in experiencing this culture and this global climate at this time? What is the current direction of my spiritual growth and how does that inform the responses to the last two questions? This line of questioning may net you some understandings.

    Certainly Karma shapes the birth we take, but it sounds like you are forgetting there are good karmic reasons too. This culture offers us certain freedoms and perspectives – be they wrong or right. Nor is it a punishment, the Gods are not punishing you. It may just be the sampradaya I am studying, I don’t know if this is universal, but as I understand it, our Karma is made by us so we take birth ourselves based on the rewards we earned and the new lessons we need to learn after experiences in the most recent, and to a lesser extent previous, incarnations. If we feel we need punishment for acting atrociously somehow, then we punish ourselves. God does not punish us, God is love. We say he is forgiveness too, but I personally think He really just teaches us to forgive ourselves, because there is nothing to forgive. His Love is unconditional. Someone I looked to as a Guru once said, “First stop punishing yourself. What we don’t understand at first is that to grow and learn we don’t need punishment, we need discipline.” I should clarify that this person was not strictly Hindu, and being new myself I am not certain how directly this applies to Hindu belief as a general whole, so take that as you like. I have always found it useful.

    Why must you be of some use to society? That’s a lot of responsibility. The truth is most of us don’t do a whole lot that affects society. We each are a small part of a big system, and our effects tend to be on a much smaller scale, if at all. That’s not to say our lives are not significant or important though. In the end even those who do affect society on grander scales are only here for themselves, to learn and grow, same as you and me. So if you must be of use, why not be to yourself first, then God, your family and your community, taking one at a time. Do what you can and let the rest come, it’s all any of us can do. Well, that and maybe 'Kill our father'.

    For what it’s worth, Araloka’s suggestion about cognitive behavioral therapy is not a bad one, if it's an option and you haven't tried it. Someone very close to me has found that most helpful where other methods haven’t been. If you live in the North of the country, and don't have one, a solar lamp can also help a lot. I hope you have been feeling better, as I know it’s been about a week since you started this thread.
    Warmth and love.

    Pranams
    ~~~~~
    What has Learning profited a man, if it has not led him to worship the good feet of Him who is pure knowledge itself?
    They alone dispel the mind's distress, who take refuge at the feet of the incomparable one.
    ~~Tirukural 2, 7

    Anbe Sivamayam, Satyame Parasivam

  10. #10
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    Re: Falling Apart...Again...

    Namaste HDF,

    Update for those concerned:

    I am doing a little bit better. While there is still a lot of darkness on my life right now, one thing I have realized is that sometimes I cover my eyes to shield myself from light and then complain it's too dark. I do have friends, both online and off, that can see past my outside identities. It's those people I thank now - you know who you are.

    Also, a small confession: I think there's stress that might have contributed to the original post beyond that which I said. My hours at work got cut to part-time, limiting my ability to live independently. I'm looking for a new job as we speak, LOL. So the stress of that might have contributed.

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