Namaste,
I am wondering about my heavy ocean situation. I've had no ego since Spring of 2010, but this turned out to be a lesser overall development than I had originally surmised, and so not any other development, such as an ocean of bliss. That happened for a couple of hours back in 2010, where I was just swimming in it, but that ended. My personal self ended the day before that, unmistakably so, but without bliss. (I didn't know that was possible) I have been incapable of internal conflict ever since, and the old ego-experiencer of things is just not there.
While swimming in that bliss, I had a problem with my (it seems) 'new self' not wanting there to be smoking, but there was this urge, and it was like dickering back and forth for some kind of a deal to cut back and eventually quit in exchange for not being angry about the smoking. (I am curious as to how to understand and put what went on in that)
Since that time, I've gotten into a couple of situations where I was practically being crushed under what seemed like a big river or ocean, like it was on top of me. I have a fear of not being able to handle the energy of it, and maybe exploding if I let it in.
So what I ultimately would like to do is get some of these thoughts aligned with their Hindu-put counterparts and figure out what these things are called and what has been said about them, and what I really am facing in these situations.
Thank you for any assistance. :-)
- Mark
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