To be clear, Yajvan, it seems earthly and ignorant. If I dream, I don't know it. When I'm in deep sleep, I don't know it. But I know more - I've experienced more. When awake, I feel as if I'm nothing and experiencing a (edit
relatively superficial body (which I still experience).
The day after this new condition began, I had a moment of eye contact with my beloved dad, and then I had to go down on the floor for a couple of hours, and there was swimming in bliss, but then that ended. It involved what seemed like a new, joyous self coming into the body and having to learn to work the arms and legs, but, that ocean of bliss experience ended. There were twists I would have ever expected. At one point, a little beeper went off in the central nervous system and said "time for a cigarette", and then it was as though my joyous new self got very angry, and then it got sad, and there were tears, and then there was the idea of cutting back as some kind of a deal. And then that experience ended, returning to the nothing-like self mentioned above.
Could this be a very undeveloped state of egolessness? This is what I have been wondering.
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