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Thread: Searching for my path and for some answers

  1. #1
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    Searching for my path and for some answers

    Namaste,
    as a newbie, I would like to post a reason why I am here. The reason is also a question I have been asking myself lately very intensively- what is my path and where do I belong.

    My first contact with hinduism happened when I was a child; only thing I remember from that early period was hearing Om Namah Shivaya mantra. I recalled that memory about a month ago when I attended Kirtan night by Haidakhan Babaji followers when I had beautiful heart opening while chanting Om Namah Shivaya mantra. Second contact was few years later when I ended up on crystal healing and the man who was working as a therapist was very inclined to hindu philosophy- he used all the sanskrt terms and played me Krsna Vision casette during healing sessions. I was 12 years old at that time.

    As I enjoyed whole atmosphere on Kirtan and was able to relax and surrender to those beautiful, deep melodies, I continued attending Kirtan events which luckily happen quite often here where I live. Some of them were led by ISKCON followers and I found them very beautiful and inspiring.

    Before my first physical connection to people who take part in hindu traditions, I would just read Vivekananda or Prabhupada and contemplate upon what is said in their books, because philosophies that were presented there were occupying me my whole life.

    I recently started Yoga and I'm planning to visit acquaintance who is yoga teacher. He is ex Sai Baba follower and he is not active in any official organisations anymore, but we met online on a thread about yoga practice and he started giving me some advices and recommendations.
    After months of daily chatting, he said I seemed to be inclined to Bhakti yoga so he recommended me to visit a group of people who are vaishnavas, but not related to ISKCON anymore (I think all of them used to be in ISKCON). Most of them have their spiritual names and have visited India.


    I would say wherever I go I meet vaishnavas, I have Prabhupada's books, I love chanting Hare Krishna and I often chant it when I feel worried or scared and it helps me, but on the other hand, I feel extraordinary sensations while chanting Om Namah Shivaya and some other mantras not related to Krishna. I have no idea if that means something or if it is relevant for this subject (that's why I am posting it all to give you larger perspective).


    Besides, I'm yearning for some specific daily practice- I have this urge to meditate on regular basis, but as I had some strange spiritual experiences/sensations before, I would like to find a teacher, someone who would be ready to advice me and discuss what's happening during my spiritual progress, but I have no clue how or where to find one (just to explain this issue better- my previously mentioned crystal therapist said I wasn't rooted and that I respond more actively on higher chakras and because of that I have a feeling of being detached from my body which gives me weird and unpleasant sensations when I'm trying to meditate).


    All the people I met are talking about gurus, but the guru figure is not familiar to me, in a way I've never had one and in a way I have opinion that guru should be a person with whom I create special spiritual connection and who is dearly giving me his time and who is leading me in order to help me on my way. The people I met found gurus like Maheswarenanda or successors of older gurus of whom we have read in books, but I can't relate to those people and their organisations. The other thing is, here we don't have much organisations so people could meet face to face people, teachings and traditions.


    There is one interesting thing that happened few months ago. After reading Autobiography of a Yogi, I found this website about Kriya yoga initiation and it was supposed to take place in my hometown in September. I was thrilled and so excited that I had hard time waiting for that moment to happen, but when I came to the opening session- day before the initiation- I couldn't relate to the teacher nor leader of organisation and I even had some symbolic dreams about it the day before as a product of my strong wish on the one hand and doubts on the other. In the end I didn't take part in that initiation because I thought- how can I be initiated by a person who has never talked to me, who doesn't know who I am and I had some unpleasant feeling toward that person.

    Those were some of questions I keep asking myself constantly. I have the urge to go further, to go deeper in practice, I feel it every day, every second, but I feel left alone and I am not sure which way I am following and it's like I have this urge to define it. I feel that something important is happening, but I can't really sit and say- ok that's it, I consider myself this and that and I feel it in every bone. Sometimes I feel my philosophies are more traditions put together, but then again I have noone to talk to about what's going on inside of me.
    One more thing to mention is that until now I've never felt this urge to relate to any specific tradition- that I also don't know how to explain.

    If you have any advice or comments, I'm looking forward to them.
    Harih om

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Dear friend ,
    I understand your confusion. Now a days it is very difficult to find a true and genuine guru .They may pounce on me if I say that , but ,most of the ashrams are run on commercial lines . On
    interacting w ith them for sometime ,we come across very unpleasant facts . when in need , we can directly approach Shiva as guru .
    Write down ' Om namashivayah' on a piece of paper ,place that piece
    at the feet of Shiva idol in any temple , take out after 48 hours. Start doing manthra japa mentally considering Shiva as your guru.
    If done with utmost concentration you would get an answer from some quarters .You would understand that your query has been answered. This is a time tested procedure .

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Dear friend ,
    Any manthra japa of any deity can be done like that .Here nature is giving an answer to us in the sense that our trust and faith is getting responded .Proof of pudding is in eating . Before brushing it off as senile remark ,one has to try any method suggested .

  4. #4

    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa used to say "

    "It is enough to love Him and feel attracted to Him: Don't you know that God is the Inner Guide? He sees the longing of our heart and the yearning of our soul. Suppose a man has several sons. The older boys address him distinctly as 'Baba' or 'Papa', but the babies can at best call him 'Ba' or 'Pa'. Now, will the father be angry with those who address him in this indistinct way? The father knows that they too are calling him, only they cannot pronounce his name well. All children are the same to the father. Likewise, the devotees call on God alone, though by different names. They call on one Person only. God is one, but His names are many.""


    May I advice the following series of audios :
    http://www.avgsatsang.org/hhstvs/mp3...u%20Bhakti.mp3


    Love!
    Silence

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Namaste Ametyst i dobrodošla na HDF forum

    The problem that you are facing with is a typical problem of being uncommitted (undecided) faced by people who are usually called newcomers (newbies) to Hindu Dharma. When these people begin to getting familiar with the Hindu Dharma they get to understand how the ocean of Hindu Dharma is huge and deep, many different approaches, traditions (sampradayas), philosophies and their teachers gurus or acaryas, much of the literature and holy scriptures, many mantras and many different ways to practice your religion. Then they often somehow get lost in all this, in that vast ocean of Hindu Dharma. They say I do not know what to do, what mantra to chant, what to read, which tradition to choose, which guru, ... ... ?

    Unfortunately there is no some tips that could help you how to find yourself in that vast ocean. It is something that will come gradually with your spiritual maturity. If there is any advice it is this, Lord Krishna said to Arjuna in the Bhagavad gita 10.8-13:
    "engage in My devotional service and worship Me", "The thoughts of My pure devotees dwell in Me, their lives are fully devoted to My service"
    and then if they did so what will happen? It will happen this:
    "To those who are constantly devoted to serving Me with love, I give the understanding by which they can come to Me.

    To show them special mercy, I, dwelling in their hearts, destroy with the shining lamp of knowledge the darkness born of ignorance."

    Bhagavad gita 9.34:
    "Engage your mind always in thinking of Me, become My devotee, offer obeisances to Me and worship Me. Being completely absorbed in Me, surely you will come to Me."

    That is the point. This is the essence of Hindu Dharma. Find out who and what God is, turn to Him, devote your attention to Him, engage your thoughts in Him, take refuge in Him, offer obeisances to Him (that you can do even in front of His picture you can find in some book), try to do something for Him (serve Him, like, offer some food, ie fruits to Him), read stories about Him from the Puranas. Then gradually you'll develop affection for Him and bhakti. Other things such as tradition, philosophy, guru, ..., may come or may not come.
    If you turn to Lord, He will help you from within the heart. One day maybe He will direct you to a particular tradition and guru, or not. You'll see.


    -------
    Bhagavad gita quotes see at Srila Prabhupada's edition


    regards

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Vannakkam Ametyst: Your story is typical, yet unique to you. Many people have had similar experiences.

    I agree with others who said it is tough. There are many choices to be made, or hints to follow. One suggestion I have is to try to take it out of the intelligence, and more into intuition. Follow signs, follow hints, if you can intuit them.

    There are very few Gurus out there of the type you mention ... one that actually have the time to communicate with you as a person. In fact, I'd venture to say many people understand Guru outside of that, and more as a teacher whose books they've read. But in the traditional way, the Guru does know you. You're right about that.

    In my experience (I'm 61, adopted Hinduism at age 20) the people who feel less confusion are the ones who have studied one sampradaya in depth, rather than 6 or 50 simultaneously. So I'd recomment picking one tradition, and sticking to that for an entire year or two. Yes, there might be a few odd things you disagree with, but all sampradayas will have that, so jumping on to the next Guru the moment you find something you disagree with won't solve that problem. That one is for you to solve.

    As a member of a Saiva bhakti school, I'd also recommend seeking help from God Ganesha. Mystically, He's best suited for this job, and works most closely with the world. But that's just my POV, as that's where I personally go when faces with dilemmas.

    Best wishes with it, regardless of outcome. If you'd like more info on my sampradaya, (in the slim chance what I wrote makes sense to you) feel free to PM me.

    Aum namasivaya

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Namaste,

    Quote Originally Posted by Ametyst View Post
    There is one interesting thing that happened few months ago. After reading Autobiography of a Yogi, I found this website about Kriya yoga initiation and it was supposed to take place in my hometown in September. I was thrilled and so excited that I had hard time waiting for that moment to happen, but when I came to the opening session- day before the initiation- I couldn't relate to the teacher nor leader of organisation and I even had some symbolic dreams about it the day before as a product of my strong wish on the one hand and doubts on the other. In the end I didn't take part in that initiation because I thought- how can I be initiated by a person who has never talked to me, who doesn't know who I am and I had some unpleasant feeling toward that person.
    Diksha, or initiation given without Tapa, or austerity is the biggest fraud being committed today,

    "Tapa, or personal austerity, is said to be the factual spending power of spiritually progressive people. It is the “wealth of the Brahmins”. Diksha is the process of being enlightened with transcendental knowledge and committing oneself to the spiritual path under the guidance of an authentic teacher, a guru. In classical Vaishvanism, the guru does not award diksha unless the prospective disciple has demonstrated some personal tapa. Rising early, bathing, eating frugally from a diet regulated by vegetables, fruit and grains, chanting Lord’s holy names according to a numerical vow, engaging in menial service for the guru, abandoning sinful acts, and placing oneself at the beck and call of the spiritual master – all these are prerequisites for diksha. Without tapa, actual diksha cannot take place. Even if the external formularies are conducted and titles awarded, no substantial inner transformation actually happens. Now a days insincere gurus and uncommitted followers find each other and diksha is given without tapa. After giving diksha, the initiated devotees are abandoned and the normal levels of affectionate guardianship offered by the guru to the disciple are missing."

    More on Diksha without Tapa, http://www.angelfire.com/ca/Hinduism/ISKCON.html

    Pranam.

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    hariḥ oṁ
    ~~~~~~
    namasté
    Quote Originally Posted by Ametyst View Post
    Those were some of questions I keep asking myself constantly. I have the urge to go further, to go deeper in practice, I feel it every day, every second, but I feel left alone and I am not sure which way I am following and it's like I have this urge to define it. I feel that something important is happening, but I can't really sit and say- ok that's it, I consider myself this and that and I feel it in every bone. Sometimes I feel my philosophies are more traditions put together, but then again I have none to talk to about what's going on inside of me.
    One more thing to mention is that until now I've never felt this urge to relate to any specific tradition- that I also don't know how to explain.
    You have said much... If you ask your SELF constantly and get no response, then it suggests that this SELF is perfect silence. This tells you much, and it is great to listen to silence. Many miss this simple point and look for some ~message~. The message is silence. And one's attentive awareness of silence is a powerful approach. So much so it is considered a upāya¹( that by which one reaches their aim). Yet if no one tells the person that this is a upāya, then the person says , 'see... nothing is happening'.
    It is like the person that does not know the value of a diamond that is hung around their neck. They say, ' oh this thing, its heavy and I do not know what to do with it'. Then someone comes and informs them of the value a diamond has; now the person comes to value this thing around their neck, the weight does not matter, in fact the heavier the better!
    I never felt this urge to relate to any specific tradition

    That is fine... like most humans we wish to belong, be accepted. Yet you will know when it is right time.


    regarding dharma
    I wanted to mention this. If there is one thing you can begin to do and you have interest, you can exercise this dharma starting now.

    What is at the core of this ? We take our support on this from the mahābhārata, considered the 5th veda by the wise. Here is what it says:
    Yudhiṣṭhira is asking questions of bhīṣma-ji in the anusasana parvan section of mahābhārata. Yudhiṣṭhira asks numerous questions. Yet with some additional questions bhīṣma-ji tells yudhiṣṭhira, here comes bṛ́haspáti¹ - none else is better then explaining the matter that you have requested.

    Yudhiṣṭhira asks multiple questions - this begins with section CXI of the anusasana parvan for those that wish to look this up. Yet for this post, the relevant question comes in section CXIII. Yudhiṣṭhira asks 'absence of injury, the observance of yajya, meditation,etc. - which one of these are filled with the greatest merit for the the individial?'

    Bṛ́haspáti talks of the merits of these virtues, yet says the following: One should never do that to another which one regards as injurious to one's own self. He continues and says , this in brief is the rule of dharma.
    He also says, 'that man who regards all creatures as his own self, and behaves towards them as towards one-self laying aside the rod of chastisement and completely subjugating his wrath, succeeds in attaining to happiness'.

    So, of all the things one can do and comprehend when it comes to sanātana dharma¹ , this dharma offered by bṛ́haspáti is a choice of action one can make today.

    iti śivaṁ


    words
    • upāya, - a means of success ; a technique.
    • bṛ́haspáti - (brihaspati or brahmanaspati, some also write vrihaspati) known as the lord of prayer or devotion ; this name is also assigned to guru, the most beneficial graha, Jupiter.
    • sanātana dharma is also called ārṣa dharma - the dharma of the ṛṣi-s ( saints, highly evolved people)
    यतस्त्वं शिवसमोऽसि
    yatastvaṁ śivasamo'si
    because you are identical with śiva

    _

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts upon this.

    I went with loud Om Namah Shivaya chanting and I also did what you Saswathy recommended, writing mantra on a paper and I will do mantra after 48 hours like you suggested. Am I free to do it number of times I feel I should or I have to do exact number of repeats? I heard some people saying there has to be a precise number of repeats and others say it is up to a person.

    Silence_speaks, soon I will have Ramakrishna's Gospel in my hands. By now I have only read Vivekananda in that lineage.

    Believer, I guess I intuitively feel that and that is why I ran away from that center and wasn't interested in initiation that wouldn't be what it is supposed to be.

    Yajvan, thank you for actually making me aware of the bliss I'm given with that silence. Now when I think about it, it makes perfect sense.
    I'm continuing with my usual practice until I find teacher for going further and deeper in a specific practice. All the recommendations and advices are more than welcome.

    Om

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    Re: Searching for my path and for some answers

    Hari Om!

    What beauty you have shared. For this I thank you.

    Yes, many and many here have been in your same situation - myself included. Oft times still feel like a "newbie" though have taken diksha and instruction from an Enlightened Master.

    The mantra "Om Namah Sivaya" is so powerful and as noted can be used by all. The advice given by saswathyji is similar to that given to me when I was new to S.D. Shiva is often the first Guru for many and certainly the highest of all, the latter being my humble opinion. Please do share more of your experiences with Him as you are able as it will help many here.

    Am another advocate for praying to Ganesha for guidance and strength. This would not contridict but would rather enhance your other practices. It is a standard practice that Ganesha is worshiped first especially before undertaking any new endeavor. You of course are free to discard this advice.

    Please remember that it is said when a student is ripe, a Guru appears. Kudos for not going against what you felt was not right. Time is your friend. Yes, explore and yes, as Eastern MindJi suggests, pick a lineage and follow for some time until you are comfortable with the teachings. You will know what is and isn't right for you.

    All the best on your path.

    Om

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